brOKen

For several weeks I have had maybe the worst attack of anxiety I think I have ever had.
I've had several nights with lack of sleep from waking up mid sleep cycle from horrible nightmares, days where I am shaking because my brain tells me somethings wrong and I should be scared and worried, but I am literarily sitting at home, with my family in the next room, so there is no way I am in danger or far from help.
I have been unable to be there for my friends who have been strugling, unable to be the usual listener I am, it's gotten to a point when my friends come to me for support and comfort, I turn them away with a cold shoulder, because I can't even help myself. A ton of my friends have said if there is something wrong, I can tell them, I can talk to them, and they're there for me when I need them, but anxiety keeps making fake scenarios in my head so I am afraid to reach out.
Finally had enough, and needed to vent my feelings, I'm sorry to my friends that I haven't been there and haven't said it sooner, and I'm sorry to all who asked if I was ok when it was obvious I wasn't, I didn't want to lie, but I didn't want the fake scenarios to become reality either.
I don't know how I am right now, I just know I am not ok, but I will be fine, at least now I have vented it, and for me that is a part of recovery, I just need time...